This Needs to Stop

Okay, “username” has bullied this blog around for the past two weeks, and I’ve lurked in the background and just watched as stupid post after stupid post has been published. Congratulations, you’ve officially intimidated everyone else.

But you’re not going to have the same luck with me.

I’ll own my vices outright just to strip that joy from you. My name is Al, and I’m a systems analyst. I’m also an alcoholic, and come from a long line of neglectful drunks. What else do you want to know? The time I threw up at my best friends’ ninth birthday party? Or how about the squirrel I hit the second time I drove with my permit? The pregnancy scare with my college girlfriend, or the fact that I would drop out a year later? Do your worst, man – I don’t deny any of it. I’ve led a pretty shit life without a whole lot to show for it, but if I can make you shut the hell up then I guess I can die happy.

Guys, don’t let this douche think he owns the place.

-YouCanCallMeAl

Was it something I said?

Five days without a peep from Team Moron? I’m flattered. While the whole standing-in-solidarity thing is cute, I’m just taking it as proof that I have a pretty decent read on you.

Here are the ones we know so far…

JBF: closet homo
AARONdizzle: baller-jew

Here are my guesses on the rest of you sorry fucks…

hotelcalifornia: movie-watching neanderthal with an IQ hovering around 30
ladyjanine: naive 20-something girl-next-door, possibly with a take-it-in-the-back-door fetish
TiNaDeLiCiOuS: morbidly obese black woman (reply and I’ll start dropping N-bombs, you stand warned)
montytrick44: generic Xbox-playing, acne-ridden teenager
David4Pride: you have AIDS (that one’s more wishful thinking than speculation)

Close? Spot on? Prove me wrong, idiots. Prove me wrong.

-username

Missed one, Adolf

AARONdizzle: “what the shit homie? How many of YOUR relatives were shoved in ovens?”

Apparently not enough. Oh snap, dawg.

Seriously though, you idiots are making this way too easy.

-username

Holocaust = BAD

JBF, dude you drop something that cold you better have to stones to back it up, son. Im gunna go out on a limb here and say that the Holocaust was bad. Hitler was bad. 60 million or some jews dying was bad. JBF calls it out with some such shit like “oh yeah, you just need to reimagine the bad as something positive”. Fuck that noise.

Yo whassup the name’s Aaron Goldstein, and yeah, I’m a Jew. REPRESENT. Funny thing is tho I didn’t really ever think much of it. Like yeah my folks would take me to temple and some such shit and you’d have to be a fuckin tard not to want Hanukkah. but JBFs post kinda drove me up the freaking wall, and I’m thinking: what the shit homie? How many of YOUR relatives were shoved in ovens?

Whatever, I kinda get your point, but the way you went at it was really dumb and pretty fuckin holier-than-thou. Next time think about what your writing before you put it on the world wide fucking web. Peace. Out.

-AARONdizzle

the filmmaker speaks

since some of us here have taken it upon themselves to create as hostile an environment as possible (ahem, “username” ahem), i thought i would take this chance to formally introduce myself and perhaps diffuse any tension, or at the very least demerit some unfounded opinions.

my name is jerry buster foster and i am a professional filmmaker (don’t bother looking me up on google or imdb, i’ve taken great pains to avoid my own self-commercialization). my oeuvre includes works as Yardstick Clothesline, Merry Xmas Santa’s Dead, and A Long Slow Death in August; the latter i both directed and co-wrote and garnered several award nominations. you will notice a slight twinge of the macabre in the titles – this is to do with my personal philosophy on the nature of human action. our will is what it is, but my fascination is what we as human beings are willing to sacrifice to see that will fulfilled. sometimes we surprise even ourselves with our eager willingness to explore the darker shades of our own humanity (see medea, macbeth, even the archangel gabriel as examples).

in any case, i mined my art in order to bring dimensionality to my audiences (like i imagine any artist does). i would hope that potential viewers of my films would walk away with a greater capacity for self-understanding; or in other words, that we are all tireless agents in pursuit of our own self-actualization and self-creation. even the darkest chronicles of human history (colonial slavery, the holocaust, 9/11, et cetera) could be redefined as circumstances of radical yet unthinkable creation. i know it is an unwelcome truth, but a truth nonetheless.

“if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” -friedrich nietzsche

-JBF

JBF, go die already.

JBF: “either way, i don’t need to qualify my respect for him to you.”

Is that pretentious filmmaker for “I’m a big whiny faggot; please leave me alone”? Because that’s what it sounds like out here.

-username

Aweosme

hey looks like a Cool show. Ill try to come and see it.

PS have you guys seen this trailer for ANtichrist? its Lars vonTriers’ new film reminded me of your show. here’s the trailer from youtube…

–montytrick44

MONSTER

by Daniel MacIvor
Directed by Natalie Novacek
Minnesota Fringe Festival
July 30 – August 9, 2009

This is something that really happened. You probably read about it in the papers. A boy. His father. A hacksaw. A box of body parts. Three days of torture. Urban legend becomes cinematic thriller becomes eerie foreshadowing.

There’s a cardboard box full of bloody body parts stamped “Some Assembly Required,” a young boy in the shadows with a hacksaw, and a stereo that plays “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” relentlessly. In Monster, Christopher Kehoe seamlessly transitions through 15 characters telling the story of a young man who recalls the story of a neighbor who hacked his father to pieces in the basement which has been made into a film about a young boy who hacks his father to pieces in the basement which was seen by the future parents of a young man who happens to hack his father to pieces in the basement.

Featuring Christopher Kehoe.

Performing at:

The Southern Theater
1420 Washington Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55454

Performance Dates:

Thursday, July 30th: 7:00 P.M.
Thursday, August 6th: 5:30 P.M.
Friday, August 7th: 7:00 P.M.
Saturday, August 8th: 4:00 P.M.
Sunday, August 9th: 4:00 P.M.

Advance tickets are available at fringefestival.org or by calling (866) 811-4111 (advance fees apply). Tickets can also be purchased at the venue’s box office.

Visit the Monster page at the Fringe Festival website to add Monster to your Fringe schedule!

Click here to see the new trailer for Monster and vote for it in the Fringey Awards.